Reining Wallace in

I've been out of control....I admit my interest in the American presidential race has become a full blown obsession.

For a long time my interest has been purely about who gets first past the post and not about the purpose of the race. I can't expend all this energy on a photo finish. In fact I've lost all sense of reason: recently in conversation I found myself disagreeing with a viewpoint I actually agree with, mainly because to agree with it actually undermined the integrity of my favoured horsey. That is not good, yet this is what happens so very often in political races. An inspirational candidate is pushed forward. He says all the right things, but only because of a stratagem; not because of any solid belief. Wide eyed fools like myself swallow the rhetoric like jaffa cakes and before they know it the sweet filled cakes are choking them.

I'm too old to be hoodwinked over and over again so today I'm announcing my decision to bow out of the race - permanently. Instead I intend to begin racing snails since they are just as slimy as the lads in DC and Whitehall, and equally good at u-turns.

I also promise no more asinine equine puns.