Staying Calm

Those who have spent any real 'quality' time with me, will know that I have highly aggressive tendencies, bordering on the psychotic. Recently, whilst picking glass out of my forehead, after an enjoyable lunch in my local Weatherspoons - 'The Moon On The Cadaver', I considered the possibilty that I might need to take an inward look at my 'calm bank'.

On checking my most recent statement, I found out that I've been in the red since I was conceived and have a debt now on a par with that of Uganda's - apparently there's an awful lot of angry, broke, Ugandans?

Thankfully I was able turn to Miserable Michael Kelly for a way out of this mental debt and he's given me a few tips - here.

SNIFF SOME KNICKERS

.. Sniffing knickers is nature's way of releasing calming hormones. That's why racing drivers wear them over their faces.

Thus far my knickers have just brought me out in a rare type of facial herpes, but the constant itching is keeping me from thinking about all the other shit that usually winds me up.

Keep breathing in, keep breathing out Uganda.